Rosh Hashanah 5781: The Torah of Shit
The other day, when I was walking and beginning my annual Elul freak out process (which came much later than expected this year), I had my antennas up for signs. As I was walking and pondering, I quite literally stumbled across a snake. Bigger than any I had seen in the wild before, but thankfully harmless, it scurried away as I jumped back in surprise, thinking “of course, this is the symbol I’ve been looking for. Like a snake sheds its skin, so is teshuva (return or repentance) about shedding our skin and growing into a new version of ourselves.” I kept on walking, sure that I had found the sign I needed to inspire my High Holiday preparations and this very drash. I dipped in the water and saw the fish gathered together without any social distance, “oh..” I realized, “this was in fact the sign I was looking for.” It is only natural for living beings to congregate, look at the fish, how they instinctively gather. And, how unnatural these High Holidays feel, when we can’t gather in person. Walking back from the water, feeling certain of what I was going to write about and say, I quite literally stumbled across something else. Not something as glamorous as a snake or a congregation of fish. In fact, what I stumbled upon was none other than an enormous pile of crap. How I didn’t see it or smell it until it was so close is unbeknownst to me, except that I was likely on my phone thinking of who to call and discuss my previous epiphanies with. But there it was, in all its glory, the true sign I had been looking for, 2020 summed up in a single pile.
COVID, police brutality, the California sky ablaze, and remember murder hornets? This year has been one of isolation, grief, and for many of us a sense of powerlessness. What can we do when the world is on fire, when grief and pain fill our streets and our hospitals? Who am I, and what impact can I have? It reminds me of the famous Chassidic tale of Simcha Bunim of Peshischa, who said:
“Every person should have two pockets. In one pocket should be a piece of paper saying: ‘I am only dust and ashes." When one is feeling too proud, reach into this pocket and take out this paper and read it. In the other pocket, should be a piece of paper saying: ‘For my sake was the world created.’ When one is feeling disheartened and lowly, reach into this pocket and take this paper out and read it. We are each the joining of two worlds. We are fashioned from clay, but our spirit is the breath of Hashem.”
COVID has humbled us all, bringing us face to face with the fact that we as well as our plans are flimsy, temporary, and fleeting. And yet, sitting with that piece of paper alone can lead to despair, which is why we have another pocket. In that other pocket is where many of us heard another call. A call to action. The deaths of George Floyd, Breonna Taylor, Tony McDade, Elijah McClain and too many others killed by Police brutality and senseless hatred, have inspired many of us to look at the power we do have, to step into the streets, to protest, to make phone calls, to feel our power like never before. To feel that indeed, just as we are but dust and ash, the world was created for us and we can create the world we want to see.
May this year bless us an ability to make real teshuva, not as it’s traditionally known as repentance, but in the lesser known teaching of Rebbe Nachman of Breslov, who teaches that teshuva is declaring our readiness to exist. May we fully exist in both worlds, knowing all of our power, and also knowing that we are but dust.
Shanah Tovah
