Parashat Korach 5784
This week, a man named Korach leads a rebellion of 250 men against Moshe and Aaron, saying:
רַב־לָכֶם֒ כִּ֤י כָל־הָֽעֵדָה֙ כֻּלָּ֣ם קְדֹשִׁ֔ים וּבְתוֹכָ֖ם יְהוָ֑ה וּמַדּ֥וּעַ תִּֽתְנַשְּׂא֖וּ עַל־קְהַ֥ל ה׃
“You have gone too far! For all the community are holy, all of them, and G!d is in their midst. Why then do you raise yourselves above the G!d’s congregation?”
In a frightening event, the earth opens and swallows up Koach, his assembly, all of their families, homes and belongings. This may seem like a strange parsha to celebrate an Aufruf on, but I actually think it’s just right.
The Gottman Institute, a research-based organization specializing in relationship counseling, claims to be able to predict with 90% accuracy (after only a few meetings) if a couple will be together for the long term. The things they look out for seem simple but are actually quite deep. They ask: does this couple seem like they are good friends, do they mutually respect and admire one another? Do they repair well after inevitable ruptures in communication? Do they have a higher ratio of positive interactions to negative ones?
The Gottmans also look out for what they dramatically call the Four Horsemen of the Apocalypse. As you can imagine, these four things signify that the foundations of the relationship need tending to. The four horsemen are:
Criticism: Attacking your partner's character or personality
Contempt: Showing disrespect or disdain towards your partner
Defensiveness: Responding to conflict by playing the victim or counterattacking
Stonewalling: Withdrawing from interaction and shutting down emotionally
When these behaviors are present, it can be challenging to focus on building positive interactions, loving and admiring one another, and supporting one another’s dreams. To draw from the images in our Parsha, when these four horsemen are dominant, they can threaten to swallow up all that we have built with another person.
In our Parsha, we have a different kind of relationship, but still a relationship that needs major tending to and analysis. Korach and his rebels have a legitimate complaint against Moshe and Aaron. After all, the entire community is holy, and everyone should be treated as such. So then, why would God open up the earth to swallow them up?
Nechama Leibowitz explains, “Note that they do not say ‘All the congregation is holy’ as a unit but, ‘All the congregation are holy, every one of them’ each one taken individually. The assertion of individual, selfish ambitions outweighs their group feeling as a ‘kingdom of priests and holy nation.’” Similar to the wicked child in the Passover Haggadah who is admonished for separating himself from those at the seder by saying “What is all of this for you?,” the Israelites who staged this rebellion put themselves on the outside, separating themselves from the rest of the community.
It seems that all four of the Gottman Institute’s horsemen were present here, criticizing the Priests for “raising themselves above the congregation.” Contempt for Moshe and Aaron, treating them as if they were the oppressors of the Israelites. Defensiveness in the form of a rebellion and not a collaboration. And, finally, stonewalling. Korach and his rebels decided to burn the sacred ketoret incense, another act that signified shutting down and lack of openness to connection.
It makes sense that the Israelites, having recently been freed from slavery, and even more recently having been told they were not going to enter the land of Israel, would feel traumatized and victimized. In that state, they (and we) cannot see anything but oppression. They can not consider the fact that Moshe and Aaron are not intending to hurt them, or that maybe this hierarchy is meant to serve as an ease to the transition to a non-slave life and mentality. Particularly since the Israelites were in transition and felt on shaky ground, what they truly needed was not a rebellion, but rather to hold onto one another and their collective vision.
Whether or not we are on the precipice of a marriage, may we be blessed with the skills to stay connected to one another in times when our base instinct might be to separate ourselves. In all of our relationships–romantic, platonic, communal–may we learn to interrupt the pattern of jumping to make divisions between victim and oppressor/right and wrong. And, in this time of great division in our country and our world, may we continue to cultivate the skills necessary to stay close to one another amidst our differences.
